The Adventures of Sir Balin the Ill-Fated Read online

  "Hello," Sir Balin called out.

  "Good evening," replied the hermit.

  "Wotcher!" said the young knight.

  "Er, what was that?" asked Sir Balin.

  "It means 'What ho!' don't you know. 'Pip pip!'"

  "I see," said Sir Balin.

  "My name is Sir Peryn de Monte Belyard," the young knight said.

  "I'm Sir Balin, the Knight with Two Swords, and this is Lady Annalise, the Questing Lady."

  Sir Peryn's mouth dropped open. "An actual Questing Lady? Really? I'm honored to meet you, ma'am. My father traveled with a Questing Lady once, a Lady Brigitta."

  "My mother," said Lady Annalise, smiling.

  "Are you on a quest now?" asked Sir Peryn de Monte Belyard. "May I join you?"

  Lady Annalise bowed slightly. "I'll have to ask Sir Balin here, of course, but—"

  "Down!" shouted Sir Balin abruptly. He had just heard the sound of drumming hoofbeats. He threw himself to one side, knocking Lady Annalise from her saddle to the ground. There was a sharp cry of pain, and then the hoofbeats faded away into the forest.

  Sir Balin checked Lady Annalise first. "Are you hurt?"

  "I'm fine," she said. "Thank you. Go to Sir Peryn."

  They both rushed to where Sir Peryn lay on the ground, clutching his arm, which was welling blood.

  "Curse you, Sir Gorlon," shouted the hermit suddenly. "If I weren't a man of peace, I'd take a sword and—"

  "Don't worry," Sir Balin said. "I'll take care of Sir Gorlon. That's my quest. Can you help us with Sir Peryn?"

  Together the three made Sir Peryn de Monte Belyard comfortable on a pallet in the hermitage. He wasn't badly hurt, but soon went to sleep from the shock and loss of blood. The hermit led them outside.

  "Are you really after Sir Gorlon?"

  "I am," Sir Balin said. "Although I don't have any idea how to look for an invisible knight."

  "I can help then," the holy man said. "He isn't always invisible. When he's at home and feels safe, he lets himself be seen."

  "Where is his home?"

  "He lives with his brother, who calls himself King Perleus. Perleus's castle is just between those two hills to the east. Its towers are high, its moat is wide, and it's guarded by a hundred armed knights. But if you want to defeat Sir Gorlon, it will have to be there."

  Sir Balin glanced at Lady Annalise and smiled. "Coming?" he said.

  "Of course I'm coming. It's what I do."

  Chapter 4

  The Dolorous Stroke

  As it was already late, Sir Balin and Lady Annalise stopped after only an hour to make camp. Sir Balin was struck again by how pleasant a companion Lady Annalise was. Her conversation was witty and thoughtful, but she didn't feel the need to talk all the time, either. As they tended their tired horses, Sir Balin said, "I've never quested with a Questing Lady before, but I have to say, it's an excellent way to quest. You make the time pass delightfully."

  "Thank you, Sir Balin," Lady Annalise said demurely.

  "Are all Questing Ladies as interesting as you?"

  Lady Annalise hesitated, then said, "Actually, there's a bit of disagreement on that point within the Questing Ladies Guild."

  "The what?"

  "It's the organization that sets standards for the profession, trains apprentices, and all that. Anyway, some of the older Questing Ladies feel that our part is to cook and tidy up and speak only when spoken to." She sighed. "My grandmother was that type, and I can't help thinking she must have been a dead bore on the road."

  "Rather!" Sir Balin agreed heartily. "You're not that type at all."

  "No, I'm a companion, not a personal maid."

  Sir Balin pursed his lips thoughtfully. "So, does that mean you don't, um ... Well, as it happens, I'm a terrible cook."

  "Me, too," Lady Annalise said promptly. "Sorry. My turn to ask you a question, though. Why do you wear two swords?"

  "It started a week ago ... Well, actually it started on my christening day. Do you mind a rather long story?" Lady Annalise begged him to continue, so Sir Balin told her about the Old Woman of a Mountain's prophecy, then explained to her the circumstances by which he had obtained the second sword from Lady Lyla. "So you see," he concluded, "when I drew the sword from the scabbard, I thought it was fate—the old prophecy coming true. Of course I had to keep the sword."

  "But then your brother showed you the secret lock on the scabbard, so now you know it wasn't fate at all, just a muddled plot."

  "Why shouldn't a muddled plot be a part of fate?"

  Lady Annalise frowned. "I don't know, but it doesn't feel right. If anything that happens can be seen as the fulfillment of the prophecy, then the prophecy's not very useful, is it?"

  "I've never thought the prophecy very useful," Sir Balin muttered. "Anyway, now that I've started calling myself the Knight with Two Swords, I sort of have to keep it around."

  They arrived at King Perleus's castle around mid-morning the next day. The hermit had been right about the castle's defenses. The towers were high, the walls imposing, the moat wide, and the guards numerous.

  "How are we ever going to get in there?" wondered Lady Annalise.

  "Let's ask," said Sir Balin. He trotted up to the nearest guard, who stood at the drawbridge. "Hello," he said to the guard.

  "Move along," said the guard.

  "But I'm here to visit King Perleus."

  "My orders say that only unarmed people get in, no knights. Move along."

  Lady Annalise asked, "What about unarmed knights?"

  The guard looked confused. "All knights are armed. What would a knight be doing going about without weapons? Besides, you have a sword. I can see it."

  "But what if Sir Balin gave you his sword? Then he would be unarmed."

  Sir Balin realized that, from the way he was positioned on his horse, the guard could see only one of his swords. Slowly he lowered his arm to further conceal his second blade. The guard scratched his head. "I don't know. I never met a knight who'd give up his sword."

  "Oh, I'll do it," Sir Balin said. He drew the sword that the guard could see from the scabbard and tossed it on the ground at the guard's feet. "Now can I go in? Your master did say to let unarmed people inside."

  The guard shrugged. "Right, then. I think you're daft, but go ahead."

  They trotted across the drawbridge, and as they entered the castle courtyard, Sir Balin said, "That was a brilliant thought, Lady Annalise."

  "Thank you. Now be careful. Hide that second sword."

  Sir Balin dismounted and took a blanket from his gear. With Lady Annalise's help, he draped it over his shoulder and tied it in place. It was awkward and bulky and hung around his ankles, but it did hide his second sword from view. "Shall we go look for Sir Gorlon?" Sir Balin said. "And hope we see him?"

  They entered a large doorway and followed a corridor until they came to a vast chamber with high ceilings. In the center of the room, on an ornate throne with two long axes crossed behind it, sat a man with a gray beard.

  The man on the throne said nothing, but a stocky black-bearded man at his side growled, "Who are you?"

  "I am Sir Balin, the Knight with ... um ... from Northumberland," Sir Balin said.

  "How did you get past the gate?" demanded Stocky Black-Beard.

  "The guard let me through once I handed over my sword," Sir Balin said. He showed them the empty scabbard at his side. "I am seeking Sir Gorlon, who is a coward and a villain, who attacks other knights while invisible."

  Stocky Black-Beard grinned wolfishly and stepped forward. "I know you," he said. "You're the knight who jumped out of my way just in time yesterday and let me hit that young fellow instead. Have you come to punish me? Without a sword?"

  "Then you're Sir Gorlon?" Sir Balin asked.

  "That's who I am," sneered the knight. "But what you need to worry about is where I am." Sir Gorlon reached for his sword and was just beginning to draw the blade before he vanished completely from view.

  Rapid foot
steps approached and Sir Balin immediately stepped toward Lady Annalise and pushed her roughly away. "Get back!" he hissed. Something swished through the air by his head as Sir Gorlon struck at the spot where Sir Balin had just been standing. Sir Balin reached under his blanket to draw his second sword, but his hand got tangled up in the folds. Frantically he tugged the blanket away, but it was caught on the sword. He dropped to the ground and heard Sir Gorlon's second blow pass over his head.

  With a final yank, Sir Balin managed to untangle the blanket and pull it off as he scrambled to his feet. "Ha!" he called. "I'm not unarmed after all!" Grasping his scabbard firmly, he pulled at the sword. It didn't move.

  "Blast!" he muttered. He threw himself backwards, barely evading a third blow from Sir Gorlon's invisible sword. He tugged again at his weapon, but it didn't move.

  "Let go of the scabbard!" shouted Lady Annalise.

  "Oh, right," said Sir Balin. He hadn't realized that he had the sword with the secret lock. Releasing the scabbard, he drew the blade out with a flourish. The sword came free, then stopped sharply in midair. Sir Balin tugged at it, but it was stuck. "Now what?" he muttered urgently.

  Then, before his eyes, Sir Gorlon materialized—with Sir Balin's sword stuck in his heart. Sir Gorlon crumpled to the floor, and Sir Balin withdrew his weapon.

  Slowly, the gray-bearded man rose to his feet. "Is he dead?" he asked.

  Sir Balin nodded. "Are you King Perleus?"

  "I am," replied the man. "Sir Balin, you have slain my wicked younger brother, he who has killed so many good knights and has enslaved so many good people and held my whole land in a reign of terror with his magical powers!"

  Sir Balin blinked. This sounded promising. "Does that mean that you're not angry with me for killing your brother?"

  King Perleus smiled, then said, "No, I'm wicked, too." Grasping one of the long axes that framed his throne, he lifted it high above his head and ran at Sir Balin, chopping down. Sir Balin parried the blow with his sword, but the axe cut right through the blade, leaving Sir Balin holding only a hilt.

  King Perleus raised the axe again, and Lady Annalise shouted, "Run!"

  Sir Balin turned and ran, with King Perleus at his heels, chopping down every few steps with the axe. Sir Balin ran out of the high chamber, then turned right down a long corridor, then left at the next corridor, staying just ahead of King Perleus's blows. At last, Sir Balin realized he was coming to a dead end, a corridor that stopped at a door. He just managed to jump inside and slam the door behind him before King Perleus's axe smashed it open again. Sir Balin looked around

  quickly and saw a long spear hanging on a hook over a fireplace. He took the spear down, whirled around, and threw it at King Perleus just as he entered the room.

  King Perleus staggered and dropped his axe, Sir Balin's spear in his breast. "No! This can't happen!" Sir Balin said nothing.

  "You've killed me!"

  "I was certainly trying to," panted Sir Balin.

  "But I can't be killed!" King Perleus gasped. "The prophetess who attended my coronation said that I could not die until I ruled two kingdoms! I only rule one right now."

  "Bad luck," Sir Balin said unsympathetically. "Prophecies can be a real pain, can't they?"

  "And now both my kingdoms are gone! Indeed, Sir Balin, you have struck a dolorous stroke this day!"

  Sir Balin blinked. "What did you say?"

  "Look, I'm dying here, and you can't even be bothered to pay attention?" snapped King Perleus.

  "Never mind," Sir Balin said. "I'm not interested anyway."

  "But the prophecy said..."

  "Prophecies say a lot of things," Sir Balin muttered. He closed the door behind him as he left the room.

  Chapter 5

  The Dolorous Death of Sir Balin and Sir Balan

  Once again, Sir Balin and Lady Annalise were without a quest, but they agreed that until one came along, they might as well ride together. They decided they were as likely to find one together as separate, and whether that was true or not, it worked for them.

  "I thought you were about to give everything away," Lady Annalise commented, "when you almost introduced yourself as the Knight with Two Swords."

  "Yes, that was a near miss," Sir Balin agreed.

  "Are you really from Northumberland? Because I'm from the north myself, from Carlisle."

  Sir Balin peeked at her from the corner of his eye. "Fancy that," he said, thoughtfully.

  "So what happened with King Perleus?"

  "He missed me," Sir Balin said. "And I didn't miss him. Poor chap. He thought he was invincible."

  "Why would he think that?"

  "Because some meddling old prophetess at his coronation told him that he wouldn't die until he ruled two kingdoms. Apparently, that prophetess was full of bunk."

  Lady Annalise nodded slowly. "Well, since you mention it, I have heard that the Prophetesses Guild has lowered its standards recently."

  "There's a Prophetesses Guild?"

  "There's a guild for everything. Somebody has to ensure quality work, don't you think?"

  "I suppose I'd never thought about it," Sir Balin admitted. "But I am now. So, what if my brother Lannie is right? What if the prophetess at my christening was just spouting a bunch of rot?"

  "I guess the only way to find out would be to test it. Why don't you try going against the prophecy and see if you can change your fate? What else did the Old Woman of the Mountain say?"

  Sir Balin thought about this for a moment, then said, "Well, she prophesied that I would never turn down an adventure."

  "And have you ever turned down an adventure?"

  "Not yet," Sir Balin admitted. "But it's worth a go, don't you think?"

  "I suppose," Lady Annalise said dubiously. "It's going to make it harder to find a quest, though."

  "Nonsense," Sir Balin said. "It's the quest to defeat fate itself."

  Lady Annalise smiled. "Brilliant! Why, that has to be the noblest quest of all!" She began to giggle. "Which, of course, makes you the noblest knight in England."

  "Bother," said Sir Balin. "Not fulfilling my destiny may be harder than I thought."

  As it happened, though, they had a chance to test their plan just a short time later. Riding through a gloomy forest, they came to a fork in the road. A sign pointed down the path that led to their right. The sign said, THIS WAY TO THE ADVENTURE OF THE ISLE OF BATTLES.

  Sir Balin and Lady Annalise exchanged looks, then chose the left-hand path. "That wasn't so hard," Sir Balin commented.

  Soon they came to another crossroad. A sign pointed to the left, saying, THE ADVENTURE OF THE ISLE OF BATTLES. They turned right. A few minutes later, they came to a third sign, pointing right. This one read, THIS WAY TO GLORY AND HONOR. They turned left again.

  "Really I could get used to this," Sir Balin said. "I never knew that avoiding adventure could be so enjoyable."

  At that moment they emerged from the woods and found themselves in a small village beside a river. In the middle of the river was a long, treeless island with a small hut on one end. A narrow plank bridge led from the town to the island. As soon as they appeared, a throng of villagers

  burst from their houses and ran to greet them. "At last! At last! A knight to save us!"

  "What's all this?" Sir Balin asked.

  A man with an official-looking sash pushed through the crowd, which parted for him. "O knight, I am the Lord Mayor of this town. We are cruelly oppressed by the Villainous Knight of the Isle of Battles! Save us! Save us! Before he destroys us all!"

  Sir Balin frowned. "Is that the Isle of Battles?" he asked. "But the sign on the road said that it was the other direction."

  The official looked about angrily until he saw a youth with red hair. "You! Clem! Didn't I tell you where to place those signposts?"

  "Ay, your honor," replied Clem. "You said to make them point right-left-right, and I did." Clem scratched his head. "Did you mean right-left-right when you're facing toward the town or away f
rom the—"

  "You dunderhead!" roared the Lord Mayor. "No wonder nobody's been by in over a week! You pointed the signs the wrong way. Luckily, this knight found the right path anyway. It must have been fate! Will you save us, O knight, from the cruel Knight of the Island?"

  Sir Balin sighed and looked at Lady Annalise. "Bother," he said. "It's one thing to turn down an adventure when nobody is hurt. It's another to turn away from people in need." Lady Annalise nodded, and Sir Balin said, "All right. I'll fight your villain."

  "Excellent!" shouted the official. "We'll send word to the Knight of the Island that you're coming." One man ran across the plank bridge, while the rest of the townspeople lined up on the shore across from the island.

  "I say," Sir Balin said, "I don't suppose you have a shield handy, do you?" Now that he was down to one sword and had a free hand, it occurred to him that a shield might be useful.

  "Yes, of course," said the mayor. He led Sir Balin into a small structure nearby that was filled with shields. "Choose whichever you like."

  "What are you doing with all these?" Sir Balin asked.

  "They're, ah, sort of a town collection. A hobby, you might say."

  Sir Balin chose a shield, then went to face the Knight of the Island. The bridge was too narrow for a horse, so he crossed to the island on foot. From the small hut at the other end, a knight in armor appeared. They looked at each other, then strode forward to fight.

  Lady Annalise, watching with the villagers on the opposite shore, had seen many battles, but never had she seen such brilliant swordsmanship. Both knights nearly killed each other several times, but saved themselves by extraordinary skill. The crowd on the shore cheered loudly and appreciatively, but Lady Annalise felt no desire to join them. She was too worried for Sir Balin.

  "This is our best one yet," said a townsman near her. "I'll wager a shilling on the Knight of the Island."